*hoping I look not fat* Happy, at least!
When I look at you,
I am looking at me …
In a time or place
I have been, or will be.”
— Guy Finley
My attempt at not looking obese on 1st day.
My day went great & ended early because there are still some loose strings that need to be tied up :)
Gym? Done. Not enough steps though.
Nails? Done & just the slightest bit pink!
Super tired & a bit anxious. Must be brave.
1. Got my hair chopped, a good three inches!
2. I start a new job tomorrow and I’m so, so very nervous.
3. I should go to the gym now because I will probably be too anxious to sleep tonight.
3.5 Yes, sometimes I just like to chill in sportbras…
Saturday Gym Picture + I’m on my way back down, friends!
Today’s weight: 197.6
Loss from highest weight: 46.4
Is it worth it? (an unapologetic post)
If you are trying to lose weight, get fit, or both, you will eventually find yourself asking, “Is all this hard work worth it?”
It is a preverbal question. Maybe it’s just a split second of a thought, but I bet it occurs numerous times a day if:
- you are running on a calorie deficit, or
- you are pushing your body to physical discomfort through exercise.
As humans, an immediate indulgence is always (way) more appealing than any named future accomplishment. So, is all the freaking pain worth it?!
YES, YES, a resounding, YES!
One day in 2008, I experienced one of the happiest day of my life. All areas of my existence had blossomed. I will probably talk more about this day in later blog posts, but know this: I was thin.
Would it have been as perfect if I wasn’t thin? No. I would have felt self-conscious. I might have been insecure. I definitely would not have believed I looked as good.
I have a picture of this night. I don’t need to show it now. The crucial factor was how I was feeling inside.
Was being thin that day and during that, and any other, time in my life worth the sacrifice, devotion, restriction of: pizza, cupcakes, breads, ice cream, and any excess calorie? YES!!!!!!!!!
I was only that age, 24, once and I am so fucking glad that I experienced it the way I did and NEVER would I have traded the way I felt about myself for any indulgence.
Disclaimer: being thin, by itself, won’t make you happy. Yet, for me, it is a necessity to enjoying who I am and the environments I choose.
This is why I will never, ever, in a million years, stop fighting for myself! I know what I’m missing.
Dog Days of Summer
I’m jealous of dogs because:
- they only eat the food they are apportioned.
- they live without the option of binge eating.
- they have no shame.
- they walk in front of their peers without worrying about their body image.
- they don’t have regrets.
- they aren’t inhibited by negative mental storylines.
Side note - I finished my 12,000 steps yesterday which means I have done 12,000 steps every day for the past 15 days. That’s over 75 miles!!!